Crisis Reveals
Covered deeply in the wings of a winter storm, you will discover much. It’s been 8 days of an icy barricade as winter took a strong turn, leaving millions of Texans and others across the US without heat, power, or water. A blanket of silver freezing over the roads as the winds stung with falling flakes. Although a vast uproar brought on by the vicious white, I am writing from the view of my window, where the sun is piercing its radiance over the Chapel. The piney wood trees are layered in frost; mixed with the delicate gold of the sunrise. A stunning morning amid the freeze that’s iced our homes. I currently sit, wait, and respond to whatever should arise. Relief is on its way as the weekend slowly unfolds into warmer weather and clear roads.
It was vital for me to write this from a posture of observation rather than stress. For the last 10 months, my job has been operating from a reactive state. I, along with other hard-working educators have spent much of the school year forfeiting the rather “fulfilling” parts of our jobs - A surrender we were all willing to make without hesitation as our Country began to feel the weight of the pandemic. Our priority shifted to the surrounding crisis of COVID, mental health, academic struggle, fielding conflict of opposing opinions, and now a wintry disaster. All in the quest to establish normalcy within ourselves, students, and the University. We are not the only ones as millions of people abandoned their comfort to place themselves amid the chaos.
In the company of adversity, we are left with a shining reflection of the mirror that stands before us - illuminating pieces of us through the glass that’s been shattered by the opposition. And there, in the presence of crisis, we are revealed. I’ve spent the last 10 months intuitively taking notes of those around me, and even more so, taking strong notes about how I personally evolved, reacted, and responded during a time of mass need. It was a vast scope of response - some took place and made a home in their fear. The realization that sometimes, courage comes far later in the process than we wanted for ourselves. It became known to me that in challenge, we can always find the servant - the ones who choose to serve with everything they have no matter what it may ask of them. The humble ones who ask for nothing in return. In the corners of adversity, we discover the harsh ones. The ones who judge, sit, critique, and make daring statements on who others are without reflecting back on who they are currently becoming. We find the leaders, the ones who carry us forward despite their own personal worries, exhaustion, disappointments, and struggles. We find the ones who fold in and follow like sheep.
Perhaps we become all of it? Or we find ourselves in more than one of these categories. Interwoven by the experiences, and allowing the season to take us from one evolvement through the other, we understand the complexities of our nature. If I can be so bold, I found myself willing to lead, but often coming short in patience and lacking empathy. We are hardly just one concept, but rather a complicated blend. And in times of trial, the nature of who we are reveals both blind spots and new strengths we didn’t know we could possess.
I watch the blanket of white layer itself on the ground and I’m drawn back to the memories of only a few days ago. Understanding deeply the privilege it was to watch students, without question, without negativity, become true servants as the temperature dropped below freezing, creating its own chaos in East Texas. I’m brought back to what became of social media when the world went into lockdown. I scrolled through stories, comments, and listened to others make critical statements about what others were or weren’t doing without knowing the full picture - unveiling the fact that some will become audience members; increasing their own self-righteousness instead of taking responsibility. I had to make amends time and time again with myself and others as I discovered that my patience wears thin more often than I realized. I understood that perhaps I am willing to do whatever job needs to be done, but I come home only to abandon my own care and let stress take the driver’s seat without accountability. I remember the depth of true empathy and compassion that others shared with one another - a healing nature of its own kind through either words or actions or prayers. How quickly they were to shed their own selfish desires to place themselves in the hurt of others and respond with caring action.
What is it about crisis that brings to light all that we have within us? Fear or courage, selfish or giving, servants or masters, tempers or calm, leaders or followers, immovable or action. All things are reflecting back to us as we navigate the various levels of difficulties. Do we have a say in who we become in the face of challenges? Is there a certain ingredient that adds up to resilience? I am not writing to attempt to make scientific statements or discoveries. I am writing to reflect on what 10 months of working in a “crisis” have revealed. Through the exhaustion, in the service, in the numbing, in confusion, in gratitude, and in celebration we unfold pieces of ourselves in the midst of opposition. Discoveries are made both through the process and the final outcome.
Could it be true that 10 months ago, you didn’t have a full understanding of your own strength until now? Are you currently asking for forgiveness as opposition tested every last bit of your moral character and this time, you failed? Are you celebrating the refining and beautiful growth that happened as you navigated this all with intentional efforts? Has shame found you because you wanted to be brave, but don’t know-how or even what that looks like anymore? We give so much power away when fear comes in, understandably so. Human nature is far more complex than embodying one category of these discoveries.
The only concept that stands tall & stable is the concept of choice. We get to decide how we move forward. We decide how we respond. We are the ones who make decisions about our next actions after the revealing has made known our inward discovery. While it requires much responsibility, this is a concept worthy of taking a deep breath in. Resistance is never-ending. In every season, in different ways, we are met with some kind of tension. Something is always out there to disrupt our foundation - clearing the dust from the mirror and showing us pieces of who we are.
As the sun slowly comes out of hiding and sheds its power over the ice, I can’t help but notice those who put forth heroic efforts humbly. With eyes wide open, I saw people who left behind selfish motives to serve others in times of need. I wonder how deep of an impact this understanding would have been without a crisis unfolding before us? In this winter silence, the complainers, the judgers, the critics have become loud even though they are few in numbers. It’s easy to believe our positive posture when we are not met with real tension. In this dangerous cold, I remember those who warmed others with empathy and care. I now understand the areas I come up short. Growth doesn’t only happen in fortune.
Spring is beginning to enter. I can feel her breeze and warmth as the fog is slowly coming undone. In crisis, in winter, in dark, In trial, in opposition, may you keep close the revealing nature that’s taking place before you. Power lies in choice and there is hope as we step towards a soft sun. A new season, a new challenge may await. As it reveals, be encouraged by the bravery around you. Breathe in the lessons and let them sharpen your character for the better. Hold tight to the reflection before you and let resilience grow.
In all things, something is unveiling before us.
